I had it all figured out?

Last night I just realized I have been waiting for my reward. What I deserve. I've earned it. I have been hanging my head low since I have been married. I am going to press on until Randy is finished with school than life will be how I want it. I have earned it. My husband was non existent and I learned to cope with it. So I am going to wait it out. Well we have been out of Medical school/residency for one year now and it is not what I thought it would be. We are STILL living in a rental home waiting for our dream home to be approved. Randy is more busy at work than he was in residency and I am still waiting. Waiting for a family trip, waiting for Randy to be home at 5:30 for dinner, waiting for a back yard and a cud-i-sac for my kiddos to play in so I don't have to worry as much. I expressed my frustration with Randy and he asked me why am I feeling sorry for myself and I was so offended. What do you mean sorry for my self? Well I was. I have been living the life of What's in it for me? I did this for you, now, what are you going to do for me? I deserve to have a boat and family time! I put you and put up with you through 11 years of school.

Well after Randy very patiently waited for me to express myself and then took his turn it hit me. Oh my pride! I have forgotten the purpose of why I am here. Not because I deserve to be here, but because I choose to be here. I choose to marry Randy and along with him I married his dreams and desires. He did the same for me. My words are all over the place. I still have a lot to learn I guess. I am happy to recognize what is underneath my frustration...pride....And now I get to learn how to cope with it and find humility....peace. We'll see how well I do.

back to school blessings

My little boy starts Kindergarten tomorrow. I am overwhelmed with joy, excitement for him, fear of letting him enter the world or public school, and hope that he will enjoy every bit of learning. Randy gave Mason and Maryn father's blessings tonight and I was amazed to see how Mason responded to the spirit. He was filled with such joy, He didn't know what to do with himself. He said he felt happy and was so excited to have a blessing. He also said he knows a blessing is special and thought it was so cool. He even tried to put his hands on me...so cute. It fills my heart with joy seeing the happiness in his face. He gave Randy the biggest hug-wrapping his legs and arms around him. It brought a huge smile to Randy's face. Randy was going to wait until Maryn started school in a week and a half, but he couldn't. She wanted to have it done just like Mason. She sat very still and stared at me and Mason the whole time...except for the time she almost got up (she is only 3). She was very happy it was done and was happy to be apart of this experience. Even though she didn't listen to the words you could tell she was feeling the spirit and I love that. Both blessings spoke of my  children being a leader and an example. It starts so young, but it is who they are, and I love them for it. As it is stated in the scriptures there was rejoicing. For our little family tonight. There was much rejoicing in the spirit, It was felt through peace, love, and happiness. The feeling you get when you can't control yourself and just want to jump for joy. I feel that is what Mason was feeling. I am so blessed to have a loving worthy priesthood holder in my home and to give my children a blessing at anytime. I am so happy for spirit and that it dwells in my home and my children can feel it and I get to help them recognize it. I love Randy so much. I love my children. I love my Savior Jesus Christ who made it possible so I can have these experiences....Thank you!