2000 Stripling Solders

Being touched by the spirit while ready in Alma 53 regarding the 2000 Stripling Solders My thoughts go to my children and my desires to have them be like those brave young men, valiant, "true at all times iin whatsoever thing they were trusted",..." Soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before him."

I know I can teach my children these wonderful things, but I cannot do it if  I am worthy to teach them. If I do not live my life to teach them these thinks. My home needs to have the spirit present at all times to do so. A home of love, peace, trust, kindness and centered in Christ. My home was once like this in St. Louis. It was not perfect since  I am not perfect, but I had a sense of peace and stability. My desire is to have that again. To center myself on Christ and my family once again. I have not strayed from Christ, but I have lost that sense of peace since my life has been up rooted. Feelings of anger, sadness and selfishness have crept while I focus on being patient with Randy's business and waiting on a permanent house. I want peace. I want focus. I need Christ as my center.

I am finding my way in our new life here in Nevada. It is another journey I get to experience and learn from. I need to center myself with grounded friends that are centered in Christ so I can have their example and support. I need to care for myself so I can care for my children. I need Randy so I can lean on him for the support I need.

Choice

Today I made some decisions. I was at the end of my line. I didn't want my kids touching me in Sacrament meeting. I had an underlining anger toward Randy and the Lord. I felt neglected, and as I said before at the end of my line. As soon as the prayer was over I was gone. I let the Primary pres know I was going to be there to teach, but I need to go home for some time to myself. I pulled out of the parking lot in tears and asking myself how did I get to this place? Talking to the Lord in while driving my heart poured out. Telling him my feelings and desires. I made it home, pulled in the drive way and just cried. It is all I could do. I have given everything I have to my husband and kids. My desires are simple, I want my husband to spend time with me and the family. I started writing a list of what I needed. I need him to be home for dinner at 5:30pm. I need him to not bring home work with him. I need him to dictate after every patient. I felt better after writing my list and made it back to church. I was filled with vigor and was ready to continue the day. I felt like my needs were going to be met and it made all the difference. Randy and I talked about my list and he wants everything that I do and is happy to make things work. I am thankful for a wonder Heavenly Father who loves me and encourages me to make choices. I love the gift of the Holy Ghost and for the promptings I feel. I love my Savior who is by my side.